IGN is reporting that there may be a Dexter game in the works. There’s no possible way this could end well.

For those of you who don’t know, Dexter is a TV series based on a series of books by Jeff Lindsay. Dexter (the character) is a charming blood spatter analyst in the Miami Metro PD who just happens to moonlight as a serial killer (although he only kills other killers). In my opinion, Dexter is the best TV series since House, and I love the books as well (halfway through the third one at the moment). That’s why I’m dreading the release of a Dexter game: There’s no way they can pull it off.

Why? Because Dexter doesn’t fall into any existing genre. At best, we’ll probably see some sort of Splinter Cell/Metal Gear clone that just barely manages to be playable. There’s no way you can turn a story about a guy who spends his evenings vivisecting people into a good game, and still get under the ‘rated M’ requirements.

If I had to design the game, you can bet that it would get an AO rating. It would be simple: The game would consist of a bunch of Dexter sneaking around a la Solid Snake, until he reaches the bad guy, at which point he knocks him out and drags him back to his lair. At this point, the game would switch to a Trauma Center style game, where you’d get extra points for doing the most excruciating amounts of damage before the victim expires. Of course, there’s no way any reputable retailer would carry such a game, and Jack Thompson would fly into a sputtering rage at the very suggestion. Still, I feel that my version would correctly capture the atmosphere of the books and TV show, even though it would obviously never be made in such a way. Such a gruesome game should never see the light of day anyway.

Here’s hoping whatever the game devs do crank out doesn’t suck.

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I’m going to be honest with you: I don’t think Trauma Center: New Blood is as good as the original. After playing the game through, start to finish, I just can’t seem to like it as much as Trauma Center: Second Opinion. This game brings back what was enjoyable about the first game, but doesn’t really bring anything new or interesting to the table. Still, it’s a perfectly good game in its own right, and definitely worth playing.

Plot Overview

Trauma Center: New Blood takes place 10 years after the first game. It begins somewhere in a remote corner of Alaska, and the player is promptly introduced to the game’s two protagonists: Markus Vaughn (a dark, brooding man with an intentionally mysterious past) and Valerie Blaylock (see, women can be doctors too). It doesn’t take long to figure out that Markus already has the Healing Touch, and Valerie figures it out on her own a few episodes later. The two putter around Alaska for awhile before being sent to California and other locales. I don’t want to spoil too much of the plot for you, but another virus very similar to GUILT makes an appearance, complete with religious references and overly-dramatic music. Lives are saved, Dr. Stiles makes a brief cameo, new game mechanics are brought into play, and you get another 18 year-old nurse companion. Happy days.

What I didn’t like

Remember the bone-setting operation from the first game? You have to do that again, except more. Nothing like playing connect-the-shattered-ribs. They could have done without this particular operation type, as I’ve always thought it was hard to tell where the bones are supposed to fit. It’s particularly annoying when you have to do the obligatory “save 5 patients in 10 minutes” operation. Another mechanic they could have done without was the scroll/zoom function. It seemed like half of the operations had the worst problems just off screen, which was particularly irritating (especially when you have to keep switching back and forth).

Another thing I found disappointing was the fact that the Healing Touch seemed almost optional in this game. While the first game relies on it heavily, I hardly used it in this game. Of course, it’s required on the final operation, but that’s beside the point. I really liked the magical bullet-time powers, and you just don’t really need them in New Blood.

Oh yeah, can we please get rid of the puzzle games in future installations? The first game’s puzzle was easy enough, but New Blood’s puzzle is just plain hard. Figure this one out in two minutes:

Aside from these few annoyances (and reusing some of the GUILT mechanics), the game is fine. The two Trauma Center games remain at the top of the few games that actually put the Wii’s unique controls to good use. You hear that game devs? Stop making gimmicky ’shake-the-wiimote’ games and actually put some thought into your control scheme.

8/10 (Worth buying, or at least renting for awhile)

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